Funny Piss a Mormon Off by

The other day I was cleaning out my garage. My wife was doing yardwork. Had some tunes on, everything was hunky dory. These two young men came strolling along wearing there sunday go to meeting clothes and carrying backpacks, ah yes, mormon youth.
They stopped and asked if we needed any help. My wife does her typical asian thing, acts like she doesn't speak english. So, i get to deal with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. I say, "no thanks, have a nice day boys." They ask if there is anyone i know that needs the word. Well, yes now that you mention it, I do know someone. I send them to my mentally deranged neighbor. I say mentally deranged, because, well, he is. Gets committed at least twice a year due to his going nuts and quoting bible verses to himself and speaking in tongues in the backyard. Not sure about the snake handling, but i have a severe suspicion of such.
So, these nice young mormons go to deliver the word. About five minutes later they come around the corner giving me dirty looks. I waved and said hello boys, howd it go. Sheesh they didnt even reply. Turned their heads and kept walking. I felt slighted.
I try to be nice, but that's priceless. Especially given where I'm currently residing...hypocrites...

Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
Mormons are harmless and most are actually pretty alright. There are always a few who are a bit over zealous but you get that type with anything.
I hate the home alarm people more when they come around. Last time I was on the stoop talking with my neighbor and one snuck up. "Got a system there chief, now shove off before I decide I'm not a warm and sensitive guy." was my reply. The neighbor busted out laughing. So chief alarm pusher decides he's not going to take no for an answer. He starts asking questions and blabbering on. "Hey Chester, I said I got an alarm. I also have lots of guns. and a really really nasty temper. And a taste for human flesh. Anyone stupid enough to break into my house is going to have an off day. Do you want to come in for some koolaid?"

Hasn't been around in awhile.
Every Mormon I have ever known has been a hard working, honest, pro-family American. My best employees are those in the SLC area, all Mormons, with a work ethic that is unmatched. Plus, they are awesome designated drivers on business trips!
Never had a problem with any Mormons. I can second your statement.
Yeap yeap. A few have gotten under my skin but who gives a shit about that. More of you Dungeon mooks have annoyed me.
Want some koolaid? I just got a new power drill.
Every Mormon I know through work/family are some of THE best dudes around.
If I was going to join any church/lifestyle, those would be the guys I went with.
I had one of those ADT guys come by my house the other day. Said he would put in a "free" system for me if I would let him put an ADT sign in my yard. It was of course just some silly alert portion of the system would be my guess and not an actual security system. He asked if I would use the security system and I said no because I have insurance and don't care if my shit gets stolen and I protect myself with guns. He left.
no...most basic systems are free...its the monthly monitoring at $30 and the 2 year contract that makes them some money
Ahh I see. I didn't let him hang out long enough to completely explain. I knew nothing was free but didn't care how the money was made either.
Just not really needed for me. I actually screwed up and left my front door open one time when I left for a trip. The neighbor across the street called the police to have them check it out. The cops went in with my neighbor and there was nothing out of the ordinary so they locked my door and left.

I told them that the garage contained the only stuff I consider of any real value.

Not a high crime area.
H8R Bansgivings in process

I ignore them. If they are in disguise and dressed like a UPS or Fedex man I open the door and I normally yell "eat my fuck Jesus boy!" and them scream like a girl and start talking like Dick Cheney.
If it's a girl I just stare at her titties until she gets uncomfortable.

I think I'm on some kind of no fly list for solicitors now.
LOL, if that was acceptable for a business owner, I'd try that on any solicitors who dare to ring the shop door bell. Instead they get the skunk eye and "no soliciting" growl.
BTW, I found I have far less solicitors since I removed the 'no soliciting' sign from my door. I think they would just do it to annoy me. Arrogant a$$holes.
My dad just stole an ADT sign from someone else's yard and stuck it in his yard. He doesn't really have an alarm system, but he hopes it scares off would be intruders.
My wife keeps asking me if we could get an alarm. I don't see the point, personally. I have Mr Smith and Mr Wesson right next to the bed.
glenn, are you under the impression that most home burglaries happen at night?
If you're ever in the market for a mormon girl hit the temple in SLC. The girls pushing that stuff are hot!:up:
Never met a Mormon girl.
Well, take that back. I may have, but don't know if I did.
When the black ties come around my place I do one of two things.
a. engage them in religious rhetoric for nigh on 4+ hours without inviting them in thouse.
b. answer the door in my undies and a used condom stuck in the waist band.

Never had repeat customers.
Sayyy, you're not NYYFF's neighbor are you?
I am not a morman, but worked for two of em for ten years . as a teenage father they gave me a job as a electrician and taught me the trade. Must of picked up some of their hard work ethics cause after seventeen years in trade never worried about a job.